[News/Stories]The Frontlines

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[Ununoctium]

I wrote these up last week and since EiRRMoD is currently busy I'll just post em up as a post before they get stale. I hate to toast and butter up my articles.

News from the front: Allied edition
Under pressure form the British to have more effective armor in mechanized engagements the Americans unveiled their T17 auto cannon. Wielding a golf ball cannon firing detonating golf balls they are able to completely confuse German vehicle crews out of their minds. And seriously injure the weaker of the German infantry forces. The T17 crew themselves are so crazy they ram their vehicles into enemy AT in order to scare the crews into not firing back. However as the soviets got wind of this new fearsome weapon they deployed spies into the field. Since the Soviets and Americans are allies currently and not on bad terms at all allied commanders have suddenly been limited in the number of T17s they can deploy into the battlefield. “RUN YOU KRUAT BASTARDS!”

News from the front: Axis edition
Under pressure from the third Reich infantry carried anti tank armament is being moved to Germany’s eastern border. In advice on adaptation Hitler issued this command to his armored forces: (roughly translated) “You German noobs, use more big guns! Without BIG guns how will they fear me!?” A Terror officer had this to say: “Limited? I’ve been calling down artillery strikes all day! What is Der Fuhrer thinking? Maybe he’s just trying to compensate for something…”  German high command has now issued even more tank destroying armaments to the western front including the Jagdpanzer and the 50mm Halftrack. “LONG LIVE THE FUHRER!”

News from the front: French citizen edition
While not seen often during the battle the French populace is grumbling at the war torn countryside. “Every night we rebuild Schijndel and every morning they destroy it again! When will the front line move?” And the most recent complaint from the French is that the Germans have invented some sort of new artillery that does nothing but destroy their homes. The French are threatening to join the war effect but the allies and axis are both calling it an armed force of Hotchkiss proportions.


News from the Front (1.1)
In a recent twist our station has been taken over by pissed off French citizens. They have retaken the Hotchkiss factories and are delivering the HotchKISS of death to the allies. Why they would side with the Germans nobody knows. Maybe they made a promise to give the French back control of the maginot line. Currently battalions of these tiny sniping tanks are rolling through the field of France, carefully avoiding crops and vineyards. Advice to allied commander facing these is to park in a wheat field and watch them circle in debate on whether to run it over. But a new leader has emerged to control these imbeciles of the tank world and to teach them to sue stolen gun adapters and stukkah rockets with pinpoint accuracy. This man’s name is Stalin (they say MyStalin and spell it Mysthalin but they’re probably too lazy to spell-check). Under Stalins control these Hotchkiss’ can be used to high efficiency, ripping through heavy armour with thousands of tiny pellets the only threat is equal numbers in AT or Shermans. Finally a use for the basic Sherman chassis! And as we now must end all transmissions with from now on, because of these bloody Frenchmen: “Thank you My Stalin!”

Obituaries:
Sherman 143
Hotchkiss 346
Sherman 468
Hotchkiss 423
Sherman 317
Hotchkiss 443
Sherman 342
Hotchkiss 372
Sherman 144
Hotchkiss 293

News from the Soviet Union (1.2)
SOVIET INTELLEGENCE REPORT # 31276
It appears that our enemies are using genetic engineering as a new science to breed combat effective warriors. Here is eye-witness account of Boris.
Boris: Abbeville, 25:00
The Americans and German ground troops are combating by the chateaux. They will never find me inside this windowless garage. They seem to be armed with BAR and LMG42. Wait… what are grenadiers doing? The Americans have seen me! I must not be captured! I bury you in hope our other spies will find you, my beloved playboy magazine.
“Our spies did pick up the… notebook and immediately made copies for the entire department –  copies of the writing. No capitalist notebook will affect us!”
Department of Naming Stuff has called this new axis SuperSoldier the Frankengrenadier. Frankengrenadiers are enetically engineered to be adaptable so that they rip the limbs off their dead comrades for extra strength and use their flesh as body armour. They have no fear! The more Frankengrenadiers in squad you kill, the more powerful remaining become. So powerful is last man that in laboratory test he can survive shot to brain… by T34.
“Comrades, Soviets, Councilmen, it is opinion of this agency that we are facing a great threat. But there is a solution, reports from Afghanistan are promising. Please refer to next report.”
SOVIET INTELLEGENCE REPORT # 31277
Recent flyovers of Afghanistan have revealed several underground bunker complexes. These are believed to be homes of MODs (Men of Destiny). These men are only ones who have contacts necessary to help Motherland with her genetic engineering program. Unfortunately Soviet scientists lack incentives in laboratories. First we give them food, now they demand heating for their experiments! Capitalist pigs, these scientists should be shot.
“Council, I request permission to infiltrate Afghanistan.”
“Council grants permission under the condition that you will not let them live if they have a chance of escaping. MODs must be ours or die. We cannot let our enemies learn of this.”
“For Mother Russia!”

News from the front (1.3)
Announcing that our station has been retaken by the allied forced and Hotchkiss’ lay in ruins at our feet. We will be broadcasting to you shortly! “Thank you My Stalin!”
“Uhh John you didn’t have to say that.”
“But it’s so catchy…. Mysthalin Mysthalin Mysthalin Mysthalin Mysthalin Mysthalin…”

[Sixpack]

Nice one. I like it.
Maybe try one every week?

[Ununoctium]

Nice one. I like it.
Maybe try one every week?

I have more than that its just EiRmod is busy.

I'll just thread them from now on, except there is one very special one for a special patch in a few weeks *hint hint*

[Silverstone]

Don't you mean "Long live the leader" ?

[Ununoctium]

Don't you mean "Long live the leader" ?

I don't see you writing anything   

[Silverstone]

Uh, what? I just meant that there's no reference to the fuhrer. Or there is but they call him "the leader."

[Piotrskivich]

News from the front: French citizen edition
While not seen often during the battle the French populace is grumbling at the war torn countryside. “Every night we rebuild Schijndel and every morning they destroy it again! When will the front line move?” And the most recent complaint from the French is that the Germans have invented some sort of new artillery that does nothing but destroy their homes. The French are threatening to join the war effect but the allies and axis are both calling it an armed force of Hotchkiss proportions.

Just so you know Schijndel isn't French it's Dutch, but anyway really nice 

[Osprey]

Uh, what? I just meant that there's no reference to the fuhrer. Or there is but they call him "the leader."

Would that be the leader of the Federation? I can't wait until COH:Online to start referring to the Soviets at Klingons.

[Ununoctium]

News from the front mini:
Our readers are asking, what of these new high explosive rounds the allies are using? apparently they increase damage and accuracy but reduce penetration making the rounds useless. More on this story at 6 O'clock

No srsly what do they do and do they have a point?

[Groundfire]

News from the front mini:
Our readers are asking, what of these new high explosive rounds the allies are using? apparently they increase damage and accuracy but reduce penetration making the rounds useless. More on this story at 6 O'clock

No srsly what do they do and do they have a point?

Their supposed to utterly destroy soft targets, like infantry.

But, put them on an upgunned sherman, and id imagine that they could still do well against vehicles in a tight spot.

[BigDick]

i wanted to make a similar topic a couple of days ago to ask when we get news froim the fronts again

because it gave much more war feeling when you read who succeeded and who got defeated

at least a list of last 3 battles would be nice (even without a text)

[Ununoctium]

Well i could do those
currently im working on a story theme

[Ununoctium]

News from the Front (1.1)
In a recent twist our station has been taken over by pissed off French citizens. They have retaken the Hotchkiss factories and are delivering the HotchKISS of death to the allies. Why they would side with the Germans nobody knows. Maybe they made a promise to give the French back control of the maginot line. Currently battalions of these tiny sniping tanks are rolling through the field of France, carefully avoiding crops and vineyards. Advice to allied commander facing these is to park in a wheat field and watch them circle in debate on whether to run it over. But a new leader has emerged to control these imbeciles of the tank world and to teach them to sue stolen gun adapters and stukkah rockets with pinpoint accuracy. This man’s name is Stalin (they say MyStalin and spell it Mysthalin but they’re probably too lazy to spell-check). Under Stalins control these Hotchkiss’ can be used to high efficiency, ripping through heavy armour with thousands of tiny pellets the only threat is equal numbers in AT or Shermans. Finally a use for the basic Sherman chassis! And as we now must end all transmissions with from now on, because of these bloody Frenchmen: “Thank you My Stalin!”

Obituaries:
Sherman 143
Hotchkiss 346
Sherman 468
Hotchkiss 423
Sherman 317
Hotchkiss 443
Sherman 342
Hotchkiss 372
Sherman 144
Hotchkiss 293

[Mysthalin]

roflcopter .

[Ununoctium]

roflcopter .

Don't think that these are custom tailored stories (they can be if you want)
but there is a theme and 10 little chapters.. which eventually lead to a secret the DEVs are just waiting to let you know about. How do I know it? Well nobody else here writes about anything 

[Mysthalin]

On completely related and absolutely undoubtably on-topic news, the HE rounds ability does the following :
Penetration 0.3
Damage 1.5
Accuracy 1.5
Blitzkrieg Icon

Meaning, it will utterly demolish light armor, with the pershing putting a puma/hotchkiss to engine damage in one shot ^^.

[Ununoctium]

On a more related note:

Mini News From The Front 2:
Allied tank commanders are laughing at the option to make themselves less effective using the New HE rounds. With 2/3 the penetration and 1/2 more damage it runs a total bonus of 25% damage output during its duration. German HEAT round commanders are laughing once again.

[Ununoctium]

News from the Soviet Union (1.2)
SOVIET INTELLEGENCE REPORT # 31276
It appears that our enemies are using genetic engineering as a new science to breed combat effective warriors. Here is eye-witness account of Boris.
Boris: Abbeville, 25:00
The Americans and German ground troops are combating by the chateaux. They will never find me inside this windowless garage. They seem to be armed with BAR and LMG42. Wait… what are grenadiers doing? The Americans have seen me! I must not be captured! I bury you in hope our other spies will find you, my beloved playboy magazine.
“Our spies did pick up the… notebook and immediately made copies for the entire department –  copies of the writing. No capitalist notebook will affect us!”
Department of Naming Stuff has called this new axis SuperSoldier the Frankengrenadier. Frankengrenadiers are enetically engineered to be adaptable so that they rip the limbs off their dead comrades for extra strength and use their flesh as body armour. They have no fear! The more Frankengrenadiers in squad you kill, the more powerful remaining become. So powerful is last man that in laboratory test he can survive shot to brain… by T34.
“Comrades, Soviets, Councilmen, it is opinion of this agency that we are facing a great threat. But there is a solution, reports from Afghanistan are promising. Please refer to next report.”
SOVIET INTELLEGENCE REPORT # 31277
Recent flyovers of Afghanistan have revealed several underground bunker complexes. These are believed to be homes of MODs (Men of Destiny). These men are only ones who have contacts necessary to help Motherland with her genetic engineering program. Unfortunately Soviet scientists lack incentives in laboratories. First we give them food, now they demand heating for their experiments! Capitalist pigs, these scientists should be shot.
“Council, I request permission to infiltrate Afghanistan.”
“Council grants permission under the condition that you will not let them live if they have a chance of escaping. MODs must be ours or die. We cannot let our enemies learn of this.”
“For Mother Russia!”

[Ununoctium]

News from the front (1.3)
Announcing that our station has been retaken by the allied forced and Hotchkiss’ lay in ruins at our feet. We will be broadcasting to you shortly! “Thank you My Stalin!”
“Uhh John you didn’t have to say that.”
“But it’s so catchy…. Mysthalin Mysthalin Mysthalin Mysthalin Mysthalin Mysthalin…”