Yo, you guys trying to brand me a loser here? A epic tale

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[Smokaz]

[Smokaz walks into the lobby. The Room is empty apart from Wildsnorus sleeping in the corner, wearing his unicorn pyjamas. Monologue starts.]

"Trying to brand me a loser, are you mr. Emptiness? In that case you arent very subtle."

[Walks around room, looks for people]

"Talk about showing up to a obscure course like medieval knight history and finding the room empty other than yourself and the professor. And even he has lost interest."

NARRATOR: This is horrible. There used to be a lot of daytrippers online european time, and now these seem to be gone as well. Where have all the flowers... players gone?

"Whats this?"

[You have found Wehrmacht player droppings. They seem to be arranged into a line, pointing towards one of the lobby room doors. This particular door has a picture of Goebbels sitting naked in a barrel filled with fish, a boyish smile on his face.]

CONTINUE THE STORY - HOW WILL IT PROCEED? - MAINTAIN CURRENT FORM - HOW DO *YOU* EXPLAIN THE LACK OF PLAYERS? HIDE YOUR RANT IN THE FORM A STORY - BE A REAL WRITER - MARTIAN CHOKO SOAP - THE ONLY SOAP I WOULD PICK UP - NO QUOTES ALLOWED

[Smokaz]

(Example so people dont make the mistake brn4meplz did]

[You observe the door. Through the gap you gather that it is not locked. Sounds of shuffling bottles and low grunting sounds can be heard inside. You enter. The trail of wehrmacht droppings end here. You pick one up and weigh it in your hand. It has a brittle but hard exterior, with a soft inside. Just like a wehrmacht player.]

[Inside the room three young volksgrenadiers and a pioneer sits around a table playing poker. They are deep in the bottles, away from their frauen and worries, presumably.]

Volksgrenadier Wittmann47: "Ach mein gott, Ich kanz keine believe that therez no allies around. Diz place has been as empftey as my pockets since we p4 rushed those nubs two weeks ago. "

Pioneer Apollo: "Jah jah, I like it better now that theres no allies and I dont play. This way I never lose. I fold by the way, these cards are scheiss."

Volksgrenadier Crimsonrabbit: (Falls over with his forehead crashing into the table, the sound of salad being smashed echoes for a short moment before loud snores replace it.)

Volksgrenadier Wittmann47: "I prezume that means he folds as well. What about zit, jinker?"

[Volksgrenadier Jinker toys with his minature mortar team.

"I think you are bluffing, wittmann. I see your 10 PPs and raise you fifty."

CONTINUE THE STORY - HOW WILL IT PROCEED? - MAINTAIN CURRENT FORM - HOW DO *YOU* EXPLAIN THE LACK OF PLAYERS? HIDE YOUR RANT IN THE FORM A STORY - BE A REAL WRITER - MARTIAN CHOKO SOAP - THE ONLY SOAP I WOULD PICK UP - NO QUOTES ALLOWED

[Malevolence]

Volksgrenadier Wittman47: "I zink not, misterr Jinker. Two pair, Tiger Aces high."

Volksgrenadier Jinker: "Aces? We removed zose from zee deck five versions ago! How do you have them?!"

Volksgrenadier Wittman47: "Well, when you spam as much games as I do, you do need to stack zee deck a bit or zee chances of losing go up far too high. I disguize zem as Panzah Fours. Ace, Panzah Four with HEAT and Barrels? Who vill know zee difference!"

[Mysthalin]

Volksgrenadier Jinker: "You are indeed right, mein kamarade. But I am sorry to say zet you're still down on luck today. Behold ze royal flush : Ze King Tiger, Ze Dame von Nebel, Jack, mein nickname for ze pak, unt of course ze 10 Grenadiers mitt shreks unt LMG42s. Unt, of course, ze Ace in ze hole : Zeal and German Steel".
Volksgrenadier Wittman: "Mein gott!"
Volksgrenadier Jinker: "Ya, lady fate smiles on me today. But I played cards mitt ze brittish general Derrican. He managed to bring out ein ROYAL straight flush. I hear Derrican is Canadian, nein? Anyway, lost not only mein 200 PPs I had wagered, but alzo ze porn mags I had won from ze stinky grenadier Computer991 ze ozer day."
Volksgrenadier Wittman: "Ya, zet is a lot of bad luck you had to endure".

[Nijo]

guys your german is just terrible awful!

But a lot to laugh about 

[Baine]

[Baine enters the room and sees Smokaz entering a room with a weird looking door. This particular door has a picture of Goebbels sitting naked in a barrel filled with fish, a boyish smile on his face.
Although he hasn't been here for quite some time he notices another familiar face that has become quite a part of the furniture in the room. Wildsnorus with a big ole mexican hat covering his face.]

"Anyone here? Has that room become some kind of gay bar or what are you guys doing back there?"

[Slowly moving through the room his view shifts to the right, where some posters have been posted on the wall.]

"WANTED: The Rattenwaffegang
Dead or Alive: tankspirit,  1200 PPs reward.
Dead or dead: Aloha, 4000 PPs reward.
Dead and only dead: BigDick, 6000 PPs reward."

[Baine tears the last poster from the wall. A fast glimpse shows his name on it. He smirks. He enters the room with the weird picture on the door.]

"What the hell..."

[Smokaz, crimsonrabbit and Apollo are lying on the floor and are fighting, or at least that's what it looks like. Crimson is trying to bite into Smokaz arm.]

"DIDN'T YOU GUYZ WONDER WHAT HUMAN FLESH TASTES LIKE   "

"Get off you stinky kraut!"

[His arms flailing around wildly slapping crimson and APollo, Smokaz cries out loud.]
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO, I ONLY SAID I'M A PRO AND YOU GUYS AREN'T!"

"BRING DEN AMI UM, MACH IHN FERTIG, ALLAHU AKBAR!"

"JAWOHL APOLLO, ER SCHMECKT SO GUT!   "

"You guys are totally nuts"

[It reminded Baine of some kind of women mud wrestling. Without mud and women, but with school girls and not so much wrestling but more like cuddling someone to death in Hello Kitty style.
So he went to the jukebox, got 1 PP out and put it in. Music began to play... Listen to the Jukebox]

[deadbolt]

[deadb0lt enters the room and follows the now smudged wehr droppings. Wildsnorus remains asleep meters away from the door with a picture of Goebells sitting naked in a barrel filled with fish, and a boyish smile on his face]

''Hello? .........."

[Mindfully creeping around the now smeared wehr droppings, he heads towards wildsnorus and shunts him.... no response, it seems wildsnorus has been asleep for far too long he is unable to be contacted]

*grumble grumble grumble.. NO U*

"Baine?...."

"NO U" the murmur becomes more clear this time

[deadb0lt edges towards the familiar voice and pushes the door too to reveal and almighty stack in the corner of the room, he suddenly stops praying none of the wehr see or hear him]

"Mein got vere are all duh smurfs for us to stomp, i have pocket pair of wolks vith 2 stugs on ze flop and you all fold? an allied vould have gone all in on zat hand"

[Two enters the room]

...

[Two leaves the room]


A sudden loud bang emerges from the room wildsnorus is in, the stackers corner all turn their heads toward the door deadb0lt is standing in, the mysterious noises continue in the next room..........

*Fade lights...................... blackout*

[Smokaz]

(Meanwhile, in the first room.)

[Without warning, something goes wrong with the record player. It switches to another song. Baine silently curses his footstamp vendor for only giving him a single PP as another song begins to play. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmGgQ8fvIP8] ]

[Dnice comes into the room. He's wearing a cowboy hat and is naked from the waist and up with a nun-chaku in his hands. As he is about to kick Apollo in the balls, the pioneer holds a hand up in defense:]

"Stop. Im already dead. I give up."

[Apollo falls over with a dramatic sound, lets his tongue slide out of his mouth in a deadish manner and closes.. one eye so he can still see whats going on.]

[The still awake volksgrenadiers grab their kar98s quickly from the weapon cabinet and swing them up against Dnice. Being poorly maintained, the room fills with smoke as the their shots go off. As the smoke clears, Dnice is still standing. And he has two bullets caught between his teeth.]

"Did you really think you could penetrate a man that breastfed his own kid? I am made of german steel, meine dumkoffs!"

[From under the table, a shuffling sound can be heard as someone crawls out and runs for the door screaming. Its a small man with a purse in his hand and a fake wig on his head]

StikUpKid: "This game is way too stacked, I'm outta here. Go stomp someone else, stackers."

In the confusion Smokaz has grabbed a scoped g43 rifle from the cabinet:

"Zeal this motherfucker!"

[The shot goes off, and someone yelps in excitement from the first room. (Deadb0lt]

[deadbolt]

[deadb0lt listens in at the chaos emerging from the other room, as several bodies drop to ground he hears what appears to be a conversation, very faint. The door bursts open as StikUpKid pulses through the door. Through the gap in the door the faint conversation continues as to what is now clearly a stalemate.]

"Dnicee, you're Terror company is formidable, should you create an alliance with me we could obliterate any puny ally that returns to the cabin" Smokaz says persuadingly, yet still grasping his G43 and pointing it towards Dnicee.

"Interesting to say the least, however i need no help with my vet 3 invincible volks. Nor does my German Steel KT require any help what so ever"

[Dnicee begins to wander around the room, circling Smokaz, however the G43 remains accurately directed towards Dnice throughout the conversation]

[deadb0lt musters up the courage and barges through the door, little reaction from the 2 axis players, the G43 remains soley directed at Dnicee, Dnicee turns around and sees the only allied player, he engages in conversation...............]

[Draken]

[MountainMan brakes into room in his big like abrams Hummer with painted naked girl on the mask and tits on the lights, loud sounds comes from the car http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhnUgAaea4M]

[He sees parking place with Ferrari, Murcielago, and Drakens Corvette, drives around rattenhole ratwagon, parks around NightRains And Wnbs kubelwagen]

"Yo guys! Up for some racing?"

(Both shouts)

"We Stack for Defeat!
We play for PP!"

[MountainMan searches for his CB radio]

(with interferences)
"Dude, Draken I need someone wanna race with me?"

"I'm busy call me later"

(inside his mind)
Let's try number 2 on my cb radio

"Hey Wind wanna race someone, There is noone to race, let's just do it for pps"

[10 minutes later]

"Our f*cking kubelwagen is made of fail"

"Guys gg it wasn't so bad it was well fight"

"Omg no our engine is UP, hummer is op f*ck this shit"

(then in the background, loud crash)

"You fucking noob learn to drive, next time you get inside my car use safety belt noob"

"Omg you noob it's not my fault that I droped out of your car"

[Narrator comes out of his brackets...

Time for break (takes out his minigun) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DduR9cXIE-o

And sends them all for 7 day hospitalization without warning.

[Baine]

[Back in the room with the door that has a picture of Goebbels sitting naked in a barrel filled with fish, a boyish smile on his face. ]

"LOLOLOL"

[Everyone stopped dead in their tracks and looked at deadbolt.]

"NO U" said Baine.

"Does anyone have some ketchup ?"

[The question was coming from crimson who was now ramming his teeth into Dnice's leg, only to see his teeth getting destroyed by the attempt to bite german steel.]

"OWWWWWW"

"German steel..." [was everything that left Dnice's mouth]

"Guys relax, we are all friends, deadbolt is our real enemy!" said wittman.

[So they all came together and cuddled for a moment, agreeing on being friends forever... (or not? Nobody could tell what was going on in these crazed maniac heads)]

Deadbolt only managed to stutter "But I'm first on leaderboard guise! .. . guys?"

[Slowly the group managed to surround deadbolt, coming closer... while Apollo somehow managed to stab himself in the chest with his bayonett on his Kar89.]

"argh... so we .... are friends... now? DAYMN!"

"Hahaha" [They all turned around and had to laugh a little.]
"oh man, Apollo you are one crazy bugger, haha,... Apollo?..."

[Meanwhile in the lobby]

[3 strangers entered the room, getting to the middle of the lobby. When suddenly a little midget with a purse and a fake wig on the head runs screaming through their legs towards the entrance. Suddenly all you hear is a loud crash as a big motherfu*king abrahams hummer breaks into the room, crushing the midget.]

"HOLY SHIT!" the 3 strangers said loud. Looking at the guy in the hammer in fear.
[The hummer drove backwards and left the lobby, the 3 strangers looked at each other and one of them said]

"Look at this, there is soap lying on the ground everywhere, it seems to have come out of the midgets purse! I wonder what it is for..." he bent down to pick it up, when one of the others screamed.
"DON'T BENT OVER ALOHA, DU KACKBOB! DAS IST EINE FALLE!"

[The midget was already on his back, trying to hump him from behind.]

"AHH MAKE IT DEAD, TANKSPIRIT!!"
[So tankspirit took out his lmg42 and aimed at the midget on Aloha's back.]

"Hold still, he's right in my target!"

"No YOU MORONS! YOU TWO ARE SO USELESS" said Bigdick, pushing the lmg42 out of the way, grabing the midget and throwing him into the room with the door that has a picture of Goebbels sitting naked in a barrel filled with fish, a boyish smile on his face.

[deadbolt]

[In a midst of all the chaos that rained down on the little cabin, the faint sounds of sirens could be heard, the police are car gently pulled up outside the cabin, the figure of Akra had arrived]

[He took a deep breath]

"Stop wasting my fuckin time ima lock this thread even though it's in general discussion"

[Akra has left the room]

[Killer344]

ROFL.

[Baine]

[He was just about to get back into his car, when Akra had thousand things shooting through his mind, all the nonsense he hears, the insults, it was enough. He closed the door from the car, got back into, pushed his way through the 3 strangers and saw deadbolt standing in the door that has a picture of Goebbels sitting naked in a barrel filled with fish, a boyish smile on his face.]

"LOLOLOL, what now big boy, I'm first on 1v1 duell, so shush!"

[Akra pulled out his colt .45 and shot twice, hitting deadbolt in both knees. Then he picked up a soap and pushed it into deadbolts mouth, and threw him into the corner like HULK.]

"I'll be back" with these words Akra left the room and returned to the car, the sound of sirens fainted in the distance.

"YAY, can't move, is weak and cries! Perfect for me!"  [With these words, the little midget ran towards the corner in which deadbolt was lying crying like a baby. The 3 strangers had to look away when they saw what the midget was doing to deadbolt. It was obvious now that the purse was formed like a banana for a reason...]

[In the meantime Killer344 had entered the room as new deputy, went to the Jukebox and played a SONG]

"Deputy Draken keeps calling me on my beeper, god damn!..." he said, throwing it up high, shooting it mid-air.

[A muffled noise, then a little bang, wood on wood, was occuring in a room next to the room with the door that has a picture of Goebbels sitting naked in a barrel filled with fish, a boyish smile on his face. He moved there slowly and opened it.]

[Mysthalin]

[The deputy, upon opening the door finds a small workshop having been established. The floor is littered with crumpled of sheets of paper, doodled into with a pencil. There is plenty of pictures on the walls, depicting howitzers, airborne, some recon tommies but most of the walls is dedicated to light vehicles. A yellow haired youngster, dressed in plain clothes and a mad look in his eye, seems to be fidgeting around a table in the middle of the room]

"No... yes... wait... the hell? That's not in the stats... No, that won't work.. Maybe.. *Loud lithuanian swear*".

[Killer, seeing Mysthalin hard at work trying to work out the latest and greatest gimmick, slowly creeps up to peek over the shoulder. Mysthalin, without a word, extends his hand to Killer. Killer finds a pair of tinted workshop glasses in this hand. He puts them on, and then looks at the craft being forged by Mysthalin, but suddenly he hears a loud snore in the corner]

"Wildsnorus seems to have been sleepwalking again" [He says as he's turning, to see a completely different, unrecognised person sleeping soundly in the corner]

"Don't ask. He's an old friend. No, you don't know him" [Mysthalin says as he takes a curved knife and a pair of monkey toes] "My work ain't finished yet, don't think it will be for a while, mind locking the door behind you?"

[Killer puts the workshop glasses on the edge of the table, then quietly creeps out so as not to disturb the man at work. He does not, however, lock the door behind him]

[Baine]

**On a sidenote, i recommend to open the links with music in another tab, without looking what it is, just so the music starts while you read  **

[Osprey]

[Osprey makes cameo entrance through the unlocked door]
[Unkn0wn escorts him outside before he can start telling 'yo momma' jokes]