Hi, I am Rough Sarge, Duck of Doom/EIRBRO's schizophrenic rage seething alter ego. You are reading this thread because you are new to EiR, and most likely enjoy bowls of warm dicks for breakfast.
Now, in EiR, we all enjoy our bowls of dicks with milk in the morning, but we are special and unique snowflakes and don't like sharing our dicks with just about anyone! We only share our dicks with people who like playing with virtual army mens and do it well. That's just how we roll.
When I say "do it well", naturally that comes with experience. So your starting effort in Eir should be not to do well, but to minimize your sucking as much as possible. This will contribute greatly to your EiR experience and to the experience of those who play with you, thus leading to more games, more games you win in and more warm dicks.
You will need a few things before the game even begins, even before you make your first company. Lets review:
DOWNLOAD VENTRILLO The reason you need to download and setup VENTRILLO, is simple. Eir launcher supports basic chat, but alot of the time people don't pay attention to the chat line or go afk looking at porn. If you are logged into VENTRILLO, people will be able to:
a)YELL at you using a MICROPHONE to ready up/pick your advantages/tell you that their game is up in Company of Heroes lobby
b)PAGE you in Ventrillo, displaying a chat window instructing you to ready up/pick your advantages/go to the Company of Heroes lobby in CAPITAL LETTERS
By simply running Ventrillo, you can avoid 60% of stress involved in setting up a game with a newbie, and by doing this you are already better than 2/3rds of other newbies. Well done!
OPTIONAL BUT HIGHLY RECOMMENDEDGet a microphone, so you can trash talk with Eir folk, tell them that you are going to rush that king tiger with 2 unupgraded m8s or that you accidentally dropped a rocket barrage on your ally. They will love you for that!
Company SetupNow, we move on to the company setup. It honestly does not matter which company you pick, so go with whatever you like. Spend all your resources by purchasing units, and arrange those units in cells however you like. There are threads on company building in this forum if you want to look at it. Think you are done, then? NO. Go back and make sure you have AT LEAST one of the following units:
1 heavy machine gun
1 mortar
1 motorbike/jeep/kettenkrad/recon squad
1 anti tank gun
If you don't have AT LEAST one of those units in your company, I suggest you take a step back and LITERALLY FUCK YOUR FACE. And then redo your company to have at least one of those (please note that upgrades are optional).
Trust me, having AT LEAST one of those units in your company will make you roughly 1000% more useful in any situation unlike that call-in of 25 kettenkrads. When you get more experienced you might consider that some of those units are waste of time and make a gimmick rape company, but that time has not yet come.
In GameYou might not believe this, but statistics shows that players that bring their units to the battlefield tend to do ALOT better than the ones that don't! In EiR, there are 4 game modes (listed from most common one to the least common one):
Reinforcements:
From your team, 1 player is picked to go first and the others are picked to go as second or third wave. In case of a 4v4, 2 players are picked to go first. The second wave arrives 4 minutes into the game and the third wave arrives 8 minutes into the game. Here is the catch - If a player is eligible to deploy units, but does not have any units on the field for 60 seconds, he gets eliminated by surrendering! And there is nothing more frustrating to your teammates then watching your empty spawn for 50 seconds only to be followed by
[00:51] EiRNewbie: so guys what do I do?!1
To avoid such an embarrassing situation, consider a simple rule of thumb:
If the timer in the top left of the screen shows [00:00] and is incrementing, deploy your units.
If the timer in the top left of the screen shows [04:00] or [08:00] and is decrementing, pick your nose until the timer runs out and THEN deploy your units.
If you remember one thing let this be it, this is the most important thing in this thread!Meeting Engagement:
Everyone (you and the bad guys) deploys at once, irregardless of timer.
Axis attack:
ALLIES get 3 minutes to deploy, then axis forces arrive. If any allied units get too close to the axis spawn, they will be hit by unavoidable artillery and destroyed, so don't try to spawn camp someone. The artillery range is roughly 2.5 sectors away from the axis spawn, try not to go closer then this.
Allied attack:
AXIS get 3 minutes to deploy, then allied forces arrive. If any axis units get too close to the allied spawn, they will be hit by unavoidable artillery and destroyed, so don't try to spawn camp someone. The artillery range is roughly 2.5 sectors away from the allied spawn, try not to go closer then this.
Great, so you have deployed your units! The battle rages on, and we move on the final part of this thread -
CommunicationEir is a team game. Fighting 2v1 and going rambo will get your units killed. Communication and coordination is key! So lets review some of the simplest ways to communicate using the ingame tools:
[worst way]
- Uses a ping on a random part of the map
- types "help" or a variation of thereof
- snorts into the microphone
[bad way]
- Uses a ping on a map and proceeds to move units there
- types "help me here" followed by a ping
- yells "faggot nubs are attacking me!!" into the microphone
[good way]
- Uses a ping followed by typed out short instruction, such as *ping* at gun here; *ping* inf capping; *ping* tank here
- types "help me need <unit type/support needed> (ie need calliope barrage here, need anti tank (AT) here) and pings his units
- yells "attacked here by <number> of players" *ping*
Using the examples above, you have learned the difference between coherent and incoherent communication. Trust me, it takes less time to hit enter and type "lots of inf here" then to ping on a map point and leave your allies wondering what you meant.
Congratulations, you are nearly at the point where you can have your very own bowl of dicks! All that is left is to review some dont's:
DONTS OF EIR1)DO NOT excessively insult your opponents or allies
2)DO NOT quit the game in progress (unless you really need to go)
3)DO NOT complain about balance issues until you play at least 100 games and live through 2 -3 patches
If you ABSOLUTELY have to leave:
Should add that if they do have to leave or want to leave, they ALWAYS need to either get annihilated or surrender (don't deploy any units for 60 seconds). Not doing so and quitting might cause games to report as a draw and can be considered 'drophacking'.
That's it! Great job newbie, your bowl of dicks is well deserved.
