Ok gents, god has arrived.
You: Hi
Stranger: heey
You: Jump off a bridge
Stranger: no thanks
You: *******************************
Stranger: would u?
You: Please
Stranger: i can jump after u
You: I have something to live for, you don't.
You: Please jump.
Stranger: noooo
Stranger: u cant say that!
You: Come on.
Stranger: no wai
Stranger: i dont wannaa
You: **********************************
You: Fuck sake...
Stranger: yea thats right
You: Its better for all of us.
Stranger: >:
Stranger: what have i done?
You: Stolen Oxygen.
Stranger: yea but i think u have done the same
Stranger: and we all :O
You: Well, that is you opinion and your opinion is worth bare shit.
Stranger: thats not very nice
Stranger: *slap*
You: It was my intention to come here and have a nice person to sexually molest, now give me your adress.
You: You can have my adress if you like.
Stranger: at first u tell me to kill my self, and then u ask my adress because im a nice person
Stranger: yes pls
You: Ok, here is mine. XX XXXXXX XXXX, XXXXX, XXXXXXXX, XXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX.
You: Now return the favour.
Stranger: not really
Stranger: not like u would come to finland, but still wont
You: Please, I have a castle in Finland.
Stranger: there arent any castles in finland
You: There is my super castle.
Stranger: ohh right
You: Built by Noam Chomsky's mum.
Stranger: riight
You: Look I am a busy man, lets get our freak on quick before my badger comes home.
Stranger: im going to take shit now
Stranger: bye
Edit: World Domination by the worst role player caught in the moment.
You: Dam
Stranger: dam
You: Those aliens are quck.
You: Quick*
Stranger: i know
Stranger: i saw dead people
You: They have taken Paris before the Panzers arived.
Stranger: omg :x
You: We should together formulate a plan to take the world back.
Stranger: and paris hilton is the leader?
You: Paris Hilton was killed by my errection...
Stranger: are we pinky and the brain?
You: No.
Stranger: why?
You: I am Pinky and the Brain, you are The Chipmunks.
You: Elvin, Simon, Theodor.
Stranger: yeah
You: Ok.
Stranger: düp
Stranger: düp
You: Now we have our codenames.
Stranger: düdüdü
You: What else does a world leader need?
Stranger: my code is est69
Stranger: a big penis
Stranger: shell we? *check*
You: No Elvin, Simon, Theodor, we must be realistic.
You: Your penis is too small.
Stranger: ok
Stranger: lies
You: I know!
You: We need a statue.
You: Of me.
You: You are not worth Pigeons shitting on you for 2 years, let alone eternity, unlike me.
You: Hi
Stranger: hola
You: I just met god
Stranger: cool - what did he look like?
You: You
You: A bit green too
Stranger: kinda weird ... i woulda guessed blue or purple
You: But overall he was pretty fit.
Stranger: good basketball player, i'm sure
You: Well he has many foiables.
Stranger: hey, who doesn't
You: I guess you are not the type of person who wares makeup?
Stranger: not usually ... maybe a halloween or two
You: Because I just shagged a bare fitty and stole her makeup.
Stranger: you should sell her makeup
You: She didn't seem to care though, she was more interested in screaming mental words like "Rape" and "Help"!
Stranger: that's really weird
You: You should come to my house.
Stranger: where is it
You: I will give you money to buy a plane ticket.
Stranger: sounds good
You: Do you want my credit card details?
Stranger: naah, straight cash homey
You: One second, ill grab my card and see how far we get.
Stranger: i've got time
You: Ok the card is XXXX XXXX XXXX XXXX, my name is Prydain Plantagenet, my brithdate is XX/XX/XX and my pin is XXXX. My Barclays outlet is Barclays XXXXXXX XXXX XXXXXXXX XXX XXX.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
EDIT: Another for your eyes only.
You: Hi
Stranger: hai
You: We all loose someone but I can't loose you!
Stranger: i feel the same way.
Stranger: f/m/other ?
You: Please, I cannot say.
Stranger: it's all good.
You: I had an accident and now I don't know,
Stranger: i feel that.
You: You feel like feeling me?
Stranger: nah, i don't play that ambiguous shit.
You: Ok, but lets play something!
You: Music?
Stranger: i like music.
You: You like Rolf Harris?
You: Two little boys?
Stranger: wut wut ?
You: I am so keen on two little boys.
Stranger: did you ask if I like two little boys?
Stranger: i don't like little boys.
You: I go to sleep with the sound of two little boys.
Stranger: i'm sure you do.
You: Do you take drugs my friend?
Stranger: do you enjoy the jesus juice?
You: Sort of.
Stranger: i've been known to hit the acid.
Stranger: depending on who you aks.
You: Well, I have something better.
You: Ketamine.
Stranger: i'm not sure if i'd like something better. i like my mediocre drugs.
You: Stick it in your rectum and you will never be the same.
You: Seriously, I can help your depression.
Stranger: who be telling you i'm depressed?
Stranger: was it jamaal ?
You: You are depressed, I can feel it in your fingers, and feel it in your toes.
Stranger: i'll cut jamaal.
You: Love is all around me....
You: You know the song.
Stranger: why you touching my toes.
Stranger: no i don't know that song.
You: Do you want me to disclose to you my identity?
You: I am Jamaal.
Stranger: please do.
Stranger: Jamaal. how you gonna play me like that?!
You: Known on the internet as Jam-all (I donate to sperm banks).
Stranger: Jamaal I'm telling mama.
You: Ok
You: Well, before you do.
You: I will teach you the art of danger wanking.
You: So that 'mama' will be impressed with the skills of her offspring.
Stranger: Jamaal, i'm yo sista. don't be sharing that.
You: Ok, Stranger I understand...
Stranger: you bests.
You: You want to kill yourself. It is fine but before you do please visit
http://www.samaritans.org/You: They will help you in your time of need.
Stranger: Jamaal you gonna come round and
Stranger: bring the friend rice?
Stranger: fried that be.
Stranger: what i'm needing is some food. you brining it or what?
You: Listen, I am not a slanty-eyed chomping midget.
You: No rice for me.
Stranger: why you gots to talk about mama that way.
You: Because I am an anti-christ
Stranger: mama told me already. get a new job.
You: One sec I need to find some coke to snort.
Stranger: take care of that bizness.
You: You really throw my plans of world conquest out of the window.
You: You and 'mama'
You: Grounding me and using the bike chain around my neck to keep me from molesting the cat.
Stranger: ew, conquest. that's incest Jamaal.
EDIT: Robot imitation, the way the Pryble teaches how to defeat it.
You: Listen
Stranger: meep, beep!
You: They are comeing.
Stranger: meep
Stranger: beep
Stranger: meep
You: The aliens, they have the key.
Stranger: weeeeeeep
Stranger: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Stranger: zzzzzzzzzz
You: Please, erect a traffic cone to stop them.
Stranger: does not compute
Stranger: does not compute
Stranger: does not compute
Stranger: alien invasion!
You: I am sure.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
EDIT: Now the 'intimidation by random comments' is defeated by the 'conspiracy thrush suffering agent of HM Try to Understand Office'.
You: Ok.
Stranger: i ***ed a mermaid
You: 10 minuets.
You: I'll get you a sandwitch.
Stranger: no i only lasted 5
You: We need to discuss this further.
Stranger: my mermaid?
You: Come to the secret hideout.
Stranger: in your van?
?
Stranger: but only if there is candy and puppies
You: No, the adress is quite clear.
You: We printed you a copy at Kodac
You: MI6 does not want you to know.
Stranger: too ***ing random
You: Please.
You: We have little time.
Stranger: how long to people last with you?
You: Long enough, before the Gob'ment kills them.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
