You can go and add in some EiR related funny junk to the storyline.
http://www.gamereplays.org/community/index.php?showtopic=3642681 year of balance, reflection, sarcasm, and roflcopters. (roflKT's for you CoH addicted folks)
The most sarcastic and funny balance discussion for CoH on GR.org.
"I remember way back in the CoH Beta..." ...when someone said "I'm leaving", he really left... .......like the drivers of invisible kettens who would float in the air.............. ...And managed to correctly spell sentence.... ......as the Pershings shots just pinged off the back of them....... ...all imba's were brushed aside because it was a spanking new game and there was no hate or whining because people just played the damned game, .... ... and enjoyed the game's strengths while ignoring the few flaws that existed... ... but then the Jagdpanther rolled out, mashed all the armor, and sighted worthless AT Guns through the fog of war - can you guess if it has been fixed?... ... then for 1000 days and 1000 nights n00bs posted spam flame threads about OP units that obviously must be OP coz it cant be their lack of skill... ... and then someone (who is known for controversy) created this thread which is just attracting flames and hate... ...the law of gravity is often bypassed in this game, like the church without its foundation.... ..and then the Pershing said; 'the hell am I getting owned by a StuG for? Which of course was pretty damn.. ...until the inevitable expansion came out that added russians and the japanese, except that... ...the Russians were a bigger turtle faction than the Brits, and the Axis players... ...were still not given winter clothes despite the attrition damage taken in soviet secured territory... ...and so they were given Jagdtracks to ride in, and many Grenadiers complained of the smell of Volksgrenadiers which unavoidably lingered within these mammoths, that soaked into every seam and poorly crafted rubber fixture; alas, they were still buttoned and raped by Brens and 17#ers like paper Tigers, and while they could grind 57mms to scrap metal beneath them like so many hedgerows, even as warm as they stayed within, vs the new Russian AT Emplacements, they... ..all hit T and got the fuck out of dodge back to the vaterland, there... they reinforced all while telling their new mates not to fuck up and extorted them of their chocolates... And a Mod of some kind (12azor) moved this thread to the CoH Mess Hall where it promptly died. ...And came back like the imba Axis supertanks revived up the butt probe of a burger tiger.... ...which was designed by the scientist who brought you the hot-dog tiger(use your imagination)... ...until Relic unlocked the sour relish thrower upgrade for engineers which melts through axis wrecks in no time, assuming your engineers don't get suppressed in 0.0001sec by a... ....light gust of wind, and then a volksgrenadier gets a critical on your engineer and it explodes into a ball of flames, taking our your sniper which was right next to them, which sends the game into chaos because.... ...that sniper was you. Your pet koala... ...can easily tell that the majority of the GR community sucks at this game wink.gif , but that's okay because... We have nide, who knows the whole melissa conspiracy, and lives with sheep, then we have the outrageously attractive, awesome, pwning all Australians, especially that ArmaReborn guy that has no ego whatsoever, but then he met his greatest foe, the one guy, errr candian he had ever faced; Tamiya, who ArmaReborn dodged with all his might every time a team game of any sort was organised, but even Tamiya has an achillies heel, he meet the ultimate opponent... CONWAY, his sandbag usage really stopped Tamiya's exessive infantry usage, by stopping his maens going the other ways, but alas out came the truck maens exploited by..... ....digging 8 foot deep holes in the ground that were better than even the heaviest of bunkers or buildings and could only be beaten by.... ...Chuck Norris... QUOTE(12azor @ Apr 23 2008, 03:08 AM) And a Mod of some kind moved this thread to the CoH Mess Hall where it promptly died. (12azor quotes himself) ... and then its corpse was consistently violated and dug up every month, but then let die again. ..but here we are trying to... ....keep it alive with the aid of a solitary cheesenut... ... suck my own dinosaur dick if i had one but i dont coz i cant see past my giant gullet! Ill throw u in the water again how u like the sound of... confusion at what the hell welcome2australia88 was trying to say... meanwhile this thread was giving me a massive... ...vibe through my unbelievable strong body but... then my muscles deflated because i took some estrogen, and .decided to wait until 2.301 was released then, I conquered all with my Laser KT but ...a single man with bren lmg scared the shit out of my KT with button fire and my officer curled up in a ball after shutting the hatch. The shooting man was so scary that... ...he said "Omg!11oneeleven!!1 Brens are sooo overpow3rDDddd".. ...which causes a new discussion about Bren guns, and... ...everyone got distracted by a MG42 buff so... ....Whermacht was actually OP but...... ...the triple vet knights cross get owned by commandos from nowhere unles they are in their hq sector and... ...without precious, precious MG support so... ...the player spammed mortars instead causing... ...an huge orgasm which reached all the way to sweden... ...but they were in a slit trench so... ...Duth porn in the dirt quickly gets them out then.... ...they beat the werhmacht but felt vaguely guilty after it so... ...they went to a shop and bought a... ...ton of beer so that their drunk friends would all be run over by Churchills and so the crocs would burn their bodies easier, but the medics.... ..ate fried bunnys so... ...they could sit around and wonder if there was any other possible way to waste their time other than... ...plot the downfall of balance so... ...COH would always have those stupid threads that talk about.... ...hilarious internet memes, like... ...this, but after a while we do realize... ....that there's light at the end of the tunnel of game balance which... ...radiates like the glow of a thousand green clicks on the same spot in a frozen game against another pair of drophacking... ...which has caused the 10 year old brother to mistake CoH with a space game... ...in which the new and improved berge-enterprise can revive stars from black holes... ....to create a new weapon to sell to the allies so they can actually beat the axis and....
... send that letter to Hitler which told him how much his gas bill was which caused him to promptly... ...destroy the tiger aces and make king tigers instead that... ...still need buff for speed, faster turret, and more armor, or so some say... ...while others claim the need for jet engines so... ...proving the theory that noobs are in fact multiplying... ...so all the pros found other games... ... and starcraft continued to become popular 10 years after its release even though it is 2d which caused Melissia to... ...express anger at SCs popularity so... ...the axis and allies settled their differences in order to kill SC so... ..it became zerg rush versus pio spam with a side helping of arty spam and... ...cheesenuts that could instagib.... with a canister shot due to the unlimited supply of munitions since ... they auto-salvage all the king tigers they one hit and... ...starcraft was defeated and the COH armies prepared to fight starcraft 2 by... ...putting a RCA 25 punder & Bofors on top of the King Tiger... ...but it wasnt enough to stop the 82982482 3/3 zerglings which rushed the shit out of it with metabolic boost and adrenal glands and the lads at Company of Heroes last hope was to get Mussolini himself to... ...suicide bomb the Starcraft bases, which utterly failing cause the allies to crate a map with 999 +16 munitions points and put royal engineers brit hqs on them to help fuel the axis V1/Goliath machine, which now spammed at an equal rate as the zerglings and the Starcraft was beaten back into space where they decided to... ...call in ghosts for nuclear launches which Relic decided were OP and then nerfed... .... just like the panzershreck, which couldnt hit the wide side of a terran siege tank (IN SIEGE MODE) but it wasnt quite as bad as the PIAT which... ...when fired into a blob of siege tanks proceeded to land in the only empty space between all of them continuing the hidden topic of balance buried in this thread while we slowly sneak back to starcraft related postings about BARS vs bloodthirsy monsters... The BARS gave Rifles a signifcant edge against zergling spam vs rifle spam, but then lurkers insta killed the rifles so we needed some radio triangulation. The bigger problem was counter sniping ghosts because they where so easy to mass produce and COH snipers had no chance so... they figured out how to use the bug so they could wear the uniform of a ghost and killed them from within, but ... then CoH pulled out a secret weapon... ....Which turned out to be the Manhatten project. So we dropped the Atomic bomb on them....only to find out that we outteched (they're tier5) by their nukes so we had to bring out.... ...The XP-Collecting StuH-Commando-V1-KT-MG-Flame-AC-Pgren super tank which gets +10 fuel and Muni in order to... ...garrison 100 units that can all shoot out at the same time with sniper accuracy and knights cross firing rate combined with a V1 canon for a gun and 3 flamers and a sticky bomb launcher with +999 suppression [that the next poster agrees to make a picture of by splicing coh units together in photoshop (sniper holding panzershreck)] and can call in commandos anywhere instantly... ... throwing this thread into the oblivion that is stupidity at it's finest... ... which also happens to be a game... ...because... .....This is what we do all day long before.... ...we all go and stomp on noobs in ranked 1v1... ...until RO inevitably fucks up... ... so then you massively great drop hacked time and time again. And RO does nothing so you.... Join RSA and drophack yourself ...then join StG since that's where RSA people go lately... ...But for all your 4v4 needs there is the DA (
www.darkanarchists.com) who couldn't think of a more decent name... and with all the clan advertisement... ...everyone said "Hell screw this, i wanna get LAID, let's join that clan!.. ...but they don't let the pr0s in, so they have to join clan... ...only problem is this is probably gonna be the last post in here so... ...this was in before the lock... ...why would someone lock this thread... ... to continue the sentence and not break it into individual sentences like SOME people did the admins decided to... ...have a party celebrating the best run-on sentence ever and... began eating huge pawn cakes in the shape of the king tiger... ... tanks with little commanding officers on top made of icing and... ...rifle nades with a cherry on top.... ...while they all chanted "Revive this thread! Revive this thread!" with loud voices and cheering from all around... ..and evoteh had lost his mod powers a while ago, and sadly, none else had the guts to pickup the lockstick... except kRISTIAN-, but when he locks all shit up people call him a nazi moderator, so he decided not to... ...lock this thread, which byt he time it reaches page 10, all posters will realize... ...that this thread won't die for some reason so i'll just keep posting till... ...we reach 1000th post like in another epic thread... ...but all posters failed to realize this is meant to be an epic tale on the scale of Homer's Odyssey, and... ...that it should always mention penguins, because... ...shitty comments about penguins almost killed this thread, however... ...the almighty CoH Mess Hall Crew can necro any thread because... ...we do things the Conway, and the mods won't stop our posts from going otherways... ...we owned this place with easy, like vikings on a raid who... ...went to thailand to buy some spicy food and... ...drank mead and were merry then... ...then someone came here wondering why the hell anyone would bump an ancient thread like that instead of creating a new one. ... But he quickly realized that the mess hall crew necro with purpose and got on board... ...it was not the end however. TheBreeze's attempts couldn't stop my words from going other ways... ... the breeze got owned with easy and i should be doing my assignment about greece which is due tomorow, seriously why the fuck do i have to write about the peloponnesian war its so fucking gay this essay question sucks dick do you agree with thucydides causes HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU NOT HES LIKE ONLY THE REVOLUTIONISER OF HONEST AND TRUE HISTORY WHAT THE FUCK NOT TO MENTION A FUCKING ONLY SOURCE ON THE TOPIC next greek i see is dead i swear what the fuck this is so much worse than medieval history... - some lines that are rants between people - ... something about assignments... yeah fuck this shit, i dont like staying up unless its for da gaimez. ... gamez that result in the infinity clip, the puma that never runs out of ammo in its belt... while reviving dead threads.... ...sadly a T17 approached so the puma had to upgun, but he didnt' have any muni left because he shot too much so he had to... ...Salvage the gunners mobile phone in order to get the 75 munitions but to his dismay... ...the t17 stunned him, so the big mac... ...pulled out his tiny pistol and shot the T17 in the barrel, destroying the main gun... ... but the T17 was over-repaired by his fellow brit player so ... ...so I come yet again hoping to at last end this thread. ... the axis players rage quit and /wrists irl. ...the T17 began to charge a flak battery head on when... ...fallshirmjagers popped out of a house and missfired their faust because they stepped in cow poop... .... because the axis player is TheBreeze and he fails to realize that because his sentence has no "..." and doesn't fit in it won't be included in the compilation and so he... ...becomes shocked that during his post 4 others have happened.... ...and gives up trying to stop this thread as none can stop it... ... except 12azor ... I miss Tales of Heroes... said the sad Razor because...
Credit to all those who posted
