Why France is not in CoH (and wont be in the addon after OF

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[Thtb]

The Complete Military History of France

- Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.]

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "Frances armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King Williams War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to Frances ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what its like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonalds.

[Unkn0wn]

Romans weren't italians and were pretty much one of the most awesome early civilisations of our planet.
They were superior on all levels and eventually they collapsed internally and were overrun by hordes and hordes of uncivilised barbarians.

So number 1 really doesn't count as "italians" .


But pretty funny and unfortunately pretty true.
Good find.

[Nevyen]

One thing THTB wars of revolution, main protagonists are austrains prussians and english all soundly trounced so definate french victory.


Napoleonic wars sound french victory till 1812  so thats not much different to unified germany in ww2  

Napoleon lost to germans  and russians not brits alone,  re 1813 war of liberation 1814 invasion of france, 1815 was a german/ english coalition victory, without blucher no victory at waterloo, but thats my napoleonic side showing.....

Of all people i would expect you to know the differnce between a trumped up british victory and a true german victory!!!  the only thing wellington can claim is kicking a bunch of marshalls out of spain and lying to his german compatriots and try to hog the acclaim for himself (he was a great statesman though)

Nice find mate 

[Akranadas]

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.].

Umm.... The United states played a tiny part in World War 1, only coming into the war in the last year, when victory was already certain by the Allies.

The French and British were allies, and if your ally wins, your side wins. Thats just how it is; the French were a good fighting force (and still are) it's only because you've been reading history books made by American authors.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

WRONG. France was betrayed by the Vichy regime who was sympathetic to the Nazi government (even going as far to hunt down French Jews), many of the French people hated the fact that their government simply gave up to the Germans. That is way hundreds of fighting men left France to join up with the Free French Forces and the French Resistance.

The reason you don't hear about the Free French as much is because the American generals didn't see the French as a fighting force, it was only Churchill who saw the value of having the French continually fighting beside her Allies. The French army (after ousting the Germans from France) played a fairly significant role in conquering Germany.

Learn some real non-biased history.

[OiScout]

Ya know, sometimes I wonder to myself:

Do people realize this is a joke?  And then this voice in the back of my head is messing with and tells me that it's not a joke ...

But I really enjoyed "Dien Bien Flu" haha

[acker]

Yeah, that thread is BS. But some things need clarification.

World War One: Victory, already certain...

Not really. Sure, the Allies wouldn't have "lost", but an armistice heavily favoring the Germans would probably have been made. After all, all the Germans had to do was keep their conquered territory to win. Though the morale boost/loss from America's entry into the war was substantial, Wilson's Fourteen Points might have been better.

World War Two: Betrayed by the Vichy Government?

Yeah, right. Sure, they were happy enough to hunt down Jews, but that also happened on, you know, the other side (there's something called retribution that does stuff, bad stuff). French People hated the Nazis, sure, but, in the early years, the majority did see Petain as a hero. Until the Allies started winning. Vichy Government was also a part of France, I'd like to add.

Blame the Germans.

Free French Forces were pretty good. And about as substantial as American troop help in WWII.



Most people can't recognize this as a joke. It's pretty amazing.



On the topic...

I'd love to see the French Resistance in COH. Imagine cheap, expendable snipers that can only cloak in cover, Cyclone Mines, and guerrilla demo charges. And with CP abilities that call the French up in arms...think expendable partisans.

[Akranadas]

Oh I knew it was a joke, it's just a joke based on nothing.

We could do the same thing about Germany and why they shouldn't be in COH because all the did was lose.

[ThetaCommander]

The Free French Forces could be a viable army. But then again, there simply aren't enough Axis armies for a 1:1 ratio if we used all the major Allied armies.

[acker]

I want the US Marines (6 man flamethrower teams), Russians (20 man squad), Chindits (enough said), and the FFF (ditto).

For the Axis, Japanese (squads without suppression, and ninja swords).

For Both, Italian  .


We could also flame the German willful stupidity and Bush (once again, enough said). But there is no point. Besides propaganda.

That would be awesome as advertisement...Imagine Lai creating posters of why you should fight against a certain side, then posting the posters all across the vCOH boards...

Propaganda against the nation...but propaganda for EIR.

[AmPM]

Marines were not in Europe =)

[acker]

Yeah. They fought the Japanese in the Pacific. Though I believe some Marines may have been on the Western Front...or was that World War One?

Note I wrote COH, not EIR, Thtb. Though CBI in Ruins has some appeal to it, too.

[Thtb]

Oh I knew it was a joke, it's just a joke based on nothing.

We could do the same thing about Germany and why they shouldn't be in COH because all the did was lose.

True.

SPARE MY LIFE! It continous




Mexico, 1863-1864.
France attempts to take advantage of Mexico's weakness following its thorough thrashing by the U.S. 20 years earlier ("Halls of Montezuma"). Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival.

Panama jungles 1881-1890.
No one but nature to fight, France still loses; canal is eventually built by the U.S. 1904-1914.

Napoleonic Wars.
Should be noted that the Grand Armee was largely (~%50) composed of non-Frenchmen after 1804 or so. Mainly disgruntled minorities and anti-monarchists. Not surprisingly, these performed better than the French on many occasions.

Haiti, 1791-1804.
French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally.

India, 1673-1813.
British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine...). Ensures 200 years of bad teeth in England.

Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830.
Pirates in North Africa continually harass European shipping in Meditteranean. France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). [America's] first overseas victories, won 1801-1815.

1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S.
French privateers (semi-legal pirates) attack U.S. shipping. U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations.

Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s.
Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day.

French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair):

1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French.
When asked how to differentiate a heretic from the faithful, response was "Kill them all. God will know His own." Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children.

St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572.
Once again, French-on-French slaughter.

Third Crusade.
Philip Augustus of France throws hissy-fit, leaves Crusade for Richard the Lion Heart to finish.

Seventh Crusade.
St. Louis of France leads Crusade to Egypt. Resoundingly crushed.

[Eighth] Crusade.
St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. See Seventh Crusade.

Also should be noted that France attempted to hide behind the Maginot line, sticking their head in the sand and pretending that the Germans would enter France that way. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). French ignored this though, and put all their effort into these defenses.

[Days of War]

FRENCH VICTORIES:

VICTORY         Battle of Allia - 387 B.C.
The Gauls led by Brennus defeat the army of the Roman Republic led by Quintus Sulpicius and go on to sack Rome itself.

VICTORY    Battle of Gergovia - 52 B.C.
The Gallic Tribes led by Vercingetorix defeat the Roman Republic army of Julius Caesar.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Soissons - 486 A.D.
The Franks led by King Clovis I defeat Syagrius and the remains of the Western Roman Empire.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Tolbaic - 496
The Franks led by Clovis I are victorious over the Alamanni.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Vouille - 507
The Franks led by Clovis I defeat Alaric II (the conqueror of Spain) and his Visigoths in a decisive victory.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Tours - 732
The Franks, led by Charles Martel, decidedly defeat a large invading Muslim force
     

VICTORY    Battle of Pavia - 773
Charlemagne and his Frankish forces utterly defeat King Desiderius of the Lombards.
     

VICTORY    Battle for Paris - 885-886
The Franks are victorious over the invading barbarian hordes, which had lay seige to the city.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Val-es-Dunes - 1047
William, the Duke of Normandy and King Henry I of France are victorious against the rebel Normans led by Guy of Burgundy.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Hastings - October 14, 1066
The Normans led by William the Conquerer defeat King Harold II and his Anglo-Saxon army. William would go on to conquer all of England.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Dorylaeum - 1097
Unified Christian Crusaders defeat the Seljuk Turks.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Ascalon - 1099
Godfrey de Bouillon and his Crusader army defeat the Fatimids.


VICTORY    Battle of Montgisard (1177)
King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem and Raynald de Chatillon gain a major victory over Saladin.


VICTORY    Battle of Bouvines - July 27, 1214
Philip Augustus of France overwhelmingly defeat Germany's Otto IV and Count Ferrand of Flanders.


VICTORY    Battle of Morlaix - 1342
French forces beat back the attacking English and force a retreat.


VICTORY    Battle of Ardres - 1531
French forces lead victorious over the English.


VICTORY     Battle of Cocherel - May 16, 1364
The French and Bertrand du Guesclin find victory against Charles II of Navarre.


VICTORY    Battle of Montiel - 1369
The Franco-Castilian combined forces led by Henry II of Castile find victory against a conglomerate of Portuguese, Jewish, Granadine and Marinid forces led by Pedro of Castile.
     

VICTORY    Battle of La Rochelle - June 22, 1372
The French-Castilion fleet wins control of the Channel after a decisive victory over the English.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Chiset - 1373
French forces, whilst laying siege to Chiset, repel an English relief force.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Roosebeke - November 27, 1382
Louis II of Flanders and Philip the Bold lay waste to Philip Van Artevelde and the Flemish.


VICTORY    Battle of Bauge - March 21, 1421
A combined force from France and Scotland defeat the English in one of the earliest English defeats of the Hundred Years' War.


VICTORY    Siege of Orleans - October 12, 1428-May 8, 1429
Jeanne d'Arc (Joan of Arc), Gilles de Rais and Jean d'Orleans of France defeat the Earl of Shrewsbury, the Earl of Salisbury and the Duke of Suffolk.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Jargeau - June 11-12, 1429
Jeanne d'Arc for France leads victorious against William de la Pole of England.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Beaugency - June 16-17, 1429
Jeanne d'Arc delivers another French victory over the English.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Patay - June 18, 1429
La Hire and Poton de Xaintrailles of France defeat Sir John Fastolf of England, effectively turning the tide of the Hundred Years' War.
     

VICTORY    Siege of Compiegne - June 18, 1429
Though Jeanne d'Arc is taken prisoner (and ultimately executed), the French resist the English siege from Philip the Good and John II of Luxembourg.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Gerbevoy - 1435
French forces led by commander La Hire and Jean Poton Xaintrailles defeat the English.


VICTORY    Battle of Formigny - April 15, 1450
Comte de Clermont and Comte de Richemont of France defeat Thomas Kyriell of England.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Castillon - July 17, 1453
Charles VII of France defeats John Talbot of England.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Agnadello - 1509
French forces are decidedly victorious over the Venetians.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Marignano - 1515
Francis I and his French forces defeat the Swiss.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Ceresole - 1544
French forces defeat the Spanish Imperial Army.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Rocroi - 1643
French forces are victorious over the Spanish.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Nordlingen - 1645
French forces are victorious over an army fielded by the Holy Roman Empire.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Lens - 1648
French forces, once again, defeat the Holy Roman Empire's Imperial fielding.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Dunes - 1658
A combined Anglo-French army is victorious over the Spanish.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Fleurus - 1690
This naval battle sees the French victorious over the Anglo-Dutch.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Beachy Head - 1690
Another naval battle sees the French victorious over their Anglo-Dutch counterparts.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Landen - 1693
Marshal Luxembourg and his French forces decidedly defeat an Anglo-Dutch contingent.


VICTORY    Battle of Denain - 1712
French forces led by Marshal Villars are victorious over the Austrian and Dutch forces..
     

VICTORY    Battle of Fontenoy - 1745
Maurice de Saxe and his French army defeat a contingent of Anglo-Austrian-Dutch-Hano troops.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Roucoux - 1746
Maurice de Saxe is once again victorious over the Anglo-Austrian-Dutch-Hano forces.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Lauffeld - 1747
Maurice de Saxe is, yet again, victorious over the Anglo-Austrian-Dutch-Hano forces.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Hastenbeck - 1757
French forces in Germany defeat an English army.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Carillon - 1758
General Montcalm and his vastly outnumbered French forces are victorious over the British.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Yorktown - 1781
French forces, allied with the Americans, are victorious over Cornwallis and his English army.
     

VICTORY    Battle of the Chesapeake - September 5, 1781
France, coming the aid of America's George Washington, defeats the British in a strategic victory.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Valmy - September 20, 1792
France defeats the invading armies of Prussia and Austria.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Fleurus - 1794
Jourdan and his French forces are victorious over the Austrians.
     

VICTORY    Battle of the Vosges - July 13, 1794
France defeats a coalition of Prussian, Austrian and Saxon troops.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Lodi - 1796
The French beat back another force of Austrians.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Castiglione - 1796
The French are victorious over the Austrians yet again.
     

VICTORY    Battle of the Bridge of Arcole - November 17, 1796
Napoleon Bonaparte I of France leads victorious over the Austrians.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Rivoli - 1797
Napoleon's French forces win over the Austrian forces once again.
     

VICTORY    Battle of the Pyramids - 1798
French forces route Egyptian mamelukes.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Mount Tabor - 1799
Outnumbered French forces decimate a much larger Turkish force.



VICTORY    Battle of Abukir - 1799
Napoleon's French forces defeat another Turkish force in Egypt.
     

VICTORY    Second Battle of Zurich - 1799
Massena and his French force routes the Russians in Switzerland.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Marengo - 1800
Napoleon's French forces are victorious over Melas and his Austrians.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Hohenlinden - December 3, 1800
A decisive French victory by General Moreau over the Austrian Empire led by Archduke John.


VICTORY    Battle of Austerlitz - December 2, 1805
Napoleon I of France is decidedly victorious over Russia and the Austrian Empire.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Jena - 1806
The French beat the Prussians.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Jena-Auerstedt - October 14, 1806
Napoleon I of France is victorious over Frederick William III of Prussia.


VICTORY    Battle of Friedland - June 14, 1807
Napoleon Bonaparte is victorious against General Bennigsen's Russians.


VICTORY    Battle of Tudela - November 23, 1808
Jean Lannes of France is victorious over Francisco Castanos of Spain.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Ucles - January 13, 1809
General Victor of France is victorious over General Venegas of Spain.


VICTORY    Battle of Ciudad-Real - March 27, 1809
A French victory for General Sebastiani against Spain under direction from General Cartojal.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Eckmuhl - 1809
The French defeat Archduke Charles and his Austrian army.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Wagram - July 5-6, 1809
A decisive victory for Napoleon Bonaparte over Austria's Archduke Charles.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Medellin - 1809
Marshal Victor and his French troops decidedly defeat Cuesta and his Spanish army.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Ocana - 1809
Marshal Soult and his outnumbered French forces crush the Spanish army yet again.


VICTORY    Battle of Smolensk - August 17, 1812
Napoleon Bonaparte of France is victorious against Russia led by Prince Bagration.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Borodino - September 7, 1812
Napoleon Bonaparte of the First French Empire is victorious against Mikhail Illarionovich Kutuzov of the Russian Empire.


VICTORY    Battle of Dresden - 1813
The outnumbered French route a larger multi-national contingent.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Lutzen - May 2, 1813
Napoleon I of France is victorious against Germany's Gebhard von Blucher, Peter Wittgenstein and Gerhard von Scharnhorst
     


VICTORY    Battle of Vauchamps - February 14, 1814
Napoleon and his band of 18,000 Frenchmen defeat 30,000 Prussian troops in the final battle of the Six Days Campaign.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Ligny - 1815
Standing as Napoleon's final victory, French forces find success over the Prussians.


VICTORY    Battle of Trocadero - 1823
The French defeat the Spanish.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Navarino - October 20, 1827
A coalition force of French, British, Irish, Italian, Belgium, United States, Dutch and Russian forces defeat the Ottoman Empire and Egypt in this large-scale sea battle.
     

VICTORY    Invasion of Algeria - 1830
French forces invade and conquer the North African country of Algeria.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Balaclava - October 25, 1854
A coalition of French, British and Turkish troops defeat Russia during this Crimean War engagement.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Malakoff - 1855
French forces help in overtaking the Russians.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Solferino - 1859
The French are victorious over the Austrians.


VICTORY    Battle of Foochow - 1884
French navy forces utterly destroy the Chinese navy.
     

VICTORY    First Battle of the Marne - 1914
In a battle of millions, Anglo-French forces defeat the Germans.


VICTORY    Togoland - August 26, 1914
A Franco-British force successfully invades the German West African protectorate of Togoland.
     

VICTORY    First Battle of the Marne - September 5-10, 1914
A Franco-British force led by Joseph Joffre and John French defeat Germany led by Helmuth von Moltke and Karl von Bulow.


VICTORY    Battle of Ypres - October 19-November 22, 1914
French and British forces gain a victory against Germany.


VICTORY    Battle of Verdun - 1916
Casualties mount on both sides but French forces push back the German tide.


VICTORY    Battle of Vimy Ridge - April 9-12, 1917
Though not fought by French forces, the combined Canadian and British forces gain the advantage against the Germans on French soil.

VICTORY     Second Battle of the Marne - 1918
A lead-French force beats back the German advance with help from British, Italian and American forces.
     


VICTORY    Battle of Belleau Wood - June 1-26, 1918
France, Britain and the United States led by John J. Pershing and James Harbord are victorious over the German Empire and Crown Prince Wilhelm.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Chateau-Thierry - July 18, 1918
The combined French and American force (largely American) succeeds in taking the Germans by surprise.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Amiens - August 8-11, 1918
French, British, Canadian and Australian forces are victorious over Germany.
     

VICTORY    Battle of Maysalun - 1922
French forces rout the Syrian army.


VICTORY    Battle of Koufra - 1941
French forces, led by LeClerc, defeat the Italians.


VICTORY    Battle of Normandy - June 6, 1944-August 25, 1944
Foreign forces made up of British, Canadian and American troops gain the advantage on behalf of France against the Germans. Not so much a victory BY France as a victory FOR it.
     

VICTORY    Operation Dragoon - 1944
Tassigny and his French forces liberate the towns of Toulon and Marseilles from German control.



VICTORY    Operation Desert Storm - January 15, 1991
A limited contingent of French forces, allied with Argentina, Australia, Canada, Egypt, Germany, Greece, Hungary, Italy, Kuwait, Pakistan, Poland, Portugal, Saudi Arabia, South Korea, Spain, Syria, Turkey, the United Kingdom and the United States (among others), assist in liberating Kuwait from a Iraqi occupation.
     

VICTORY    Cote d'Ivoire - January 2003
French peace-keeping forces succeed in stabilization of lawless western border.

[Apex]

Although i usually dont like to generalize, I think the warrior spirit is less common in the french culture than in others.
In my oppinion this is mainly because of their part in the history of the Roman Empire, where they got invaded and integrated early and quickly.
After that they lived through 500 years of relative peace, became civilized, and and less and less skilled in the art of war. This was an important part of the forming of french culture.
Wheras, if you compare it to the germans, who reppelled the roman invasion, still stayed quite barbaric as farmers and warriors, and were constanly fighting either the romans or each other. Geographical reasons, like 3/4 of a nation being surrounded by water, or by enemies, play a part too.
The french are good in a many lot of things, but warfare isnt one of them. And their part in WW2 is much too small to be worthy of CoH.

[Akranadas]

Well, Australia (the country, not the colony) has only been around for just over 100 years. Yet, we've developed a strong 'warrior' spirit, so good that Rommel respect Australian soldiers more than their British counter parts.

[|-|Cozmo|-|]

you came from a society of criminals,

[Akranadas]

Myth.

[|-|Cozmo|-|]

it was also a joke .

[salan]

Myth.

I always understood that to be basically true, what part of it is a myth, it started as a penal colony..

[Akranadas]

The Penal colony was only 1 part of the mission to Australia, the soon to be Governor of Australia has already written up laws and other things need to create a country.

It was always planned to have Australia as Britain's largest colony, the prisoner thing was because they didn't have space. It wasn't a prison colony that turned into a country, more a country that had to bear the burden of Britain's lack of space.